I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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