Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
