never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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