it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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