Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
