he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
