if i can run in heels then i can drive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We are all done wearing pants today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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