with your own penis?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
