She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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