i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
