Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
