All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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