tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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