How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize