he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
