i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
