I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so let's talk penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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