You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
