I'm jealous of your bromance
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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