We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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