i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I CAN MOONWALK!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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