I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Small penises have feelings too.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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