We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
