is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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