...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
