So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
