You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
