The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
