i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
