So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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