I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
