youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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