wrigley field is MILF paradise
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
