You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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