I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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