walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
