So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
