Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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