I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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