I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
