Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
