I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
