I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
should my penis look like a turkey
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
