Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
