another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
