need another drink. this is the easiest way
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
