My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
