Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
