I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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