my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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