Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize