I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
