would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
