I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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